From Secrets to Strength: Elva’s Transition Story

To celebrate Pride Month, Elva shares her journey to accepting her true self.

Keep it secret, keep it safe

For years I kept something secret with absolutely no one knowing. I feared the reaction of others if they found out and, more importantly, I wasn’t ready to admit the truth to myself.

After work and on weekends, I had been dressing as a woman in the privacy of my own home since I had first moved out of my parent’s house in my early twenties, with the desire to do so going back even further.

In late 2020, things came to a head and I either had to face the truth or end things. It was a close call as to which ways things would go but, in the end, I pulled through and, having decided to live, I needed to face the truth.

It took me many months of reflection and extensive research to work out my truth. It was a couple of years before I could finally admit to myself who and what my true self was - a transgender woman - though I was still not ready to admit this to anyone else.

Coming out

When I felt ready to share the truth about myself, I reached out to some close friends, and I was delighted with how supportive their reaction was. I started to dress as my true self for our weekly Friday night Zoom meetings. It was also at this point that I decided upon the name of Elva for my true self. These friends have remained supportive, with some of the ladies even offering fashion and makeup advice.

I approached Nuffield Health, a service offered by SSE, to help me fully understand things and they connected me with a therapist which helped build my confidence. I came out to my oldest brother and his wife who supported my choices, and I began interacting with them as Elva. They were with me when I came out to my mother, who is slowly coming to terms with the idea. I also came out to my youngest brother and his wife, but they have unfortunately not been able to fully accept me as Elva. I didn't let that impact my confidence and I continued to come out to trusted friends who have all been accepting of my true self.

Introducing the world to Elva

While my confidence was growing and more people were getting to know the real me, I was still not going out in public as Elva. Working from home meant I could dress how I wanted and be my true self all day in the house, but I had yet to venture further.

That changed last September when I went to Reading Pride and came out to some of my colleagues who had also attended. It was a wonderful day, and everyone was welcoming. My only regret was my choice of footwear, which left me with aching feet after the Pride March. Lesson learned!

Following my reception from SSE staff at Reading Pride, I came out to my manager and team leader who were both understanding and supportive. This success led me to think about coming out at work to the whole of SSE so I approached HR to start working on everything that would need to be done. I came out to everyone at work not long after. My first visit to one of the SSE offices as my true self was really nerve wracking but, overall, the day went well.

Becoming Elva

Taking things further was not only about sharing my true self with others but also about exploring inwardly and truly becoming Elva. I approached my GP about getting on the waiting list for HRT, only to find that there was a massive waiting list, with people waiting seven years just to get an initial appointment. After a lot of research, I decided to go private and after several appointments with a variety of specialists, I started HRT earlier this year. I am now three months on oestrogen, and I have noticed a few minor changes, most of which were expected, and it makes me excited for what is to come.  It will take years for the oestrogen to work its magic, but it will be worth it.

I also legally changed my name through Deed Poll, so now I am legally Elva Wendy Downing! 

Overall, I am the happiest that I have ever been. I now visit my mother on a regular basis, and we are rebuilding our relationship after the turmoil of my coming out and the months that followed.

Where there is still a lot that I have not done as my true self, I’m confident that it will come with time. The key thing is for me to just keep moving forward, just one small step at a time.

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